Filter? What’s that?!

My husband can vouch for me, I sometimes lose control of my mouth and it has a mind if its own. Or maybe it just voices what it wants? Either way, I tend to say things that others would not.

For example, the first time I met B’s grandfather on his dad’s side, was his birthday. I had C with me and B was working. There were lots of people I had only met a few times and some I was just meeting. Well, his aunt announces that her daughter (B’s cousin) is expecting. Well, because of my losses, I don’t take news like that very well. I said, “Oh? Is the pee stick even dry?!”

Yep, I said that. Once it was out of my mouth, I wanted to erase it from everyone’s memories. Things like that cannot be unsaid.

Well, my mother in-law informed me last week that said cousin’s baby shower is coming up. I never got an invitation. This isn’t the first time either. The same aunt, had a birthday party. Never got an invitation. So, now, I told my mother in-law that I would go, I really don’t want to, I’m not ready. I just have to come up with a polite way to say, “I’m still reeling from my miscarriages, even though my last was almost 2 years ago. I really don’t want to be around any pregnant ladies, thanks for Super Bowl Sunday, also. And I wasn’t even invited, I don’t want to go to something I wasn’t invited to! When will you get a fucking clue?!”

Honestly, I am at a loss for some nice way to put how I really feel. I miss B.

Speaking (typing?) of B! The restaurant should be open next week (1 of 2 they are opening currently). They are having an investor’s dinner tomorrow at the new location! Pretty exciting! Too bad I am missing it all.

xoxo jes

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