Babies

I don’t normally post about serious or Personal topics. Who am I kidding? I type whatever comes to mind.

On the day of my only living child’s 10th birthday, I wanted to announce for all of our family to see, we will no longer be trying for a baby. It is a personal decision that we came to, not very lightly.

We were married a little over 3 years ago. We got our first positive pregnancy test 2 weeks later. Our lives have been changed forever. We were carefree and happy. Until August 17th. We miscarried. It was horrific. I won’t go into the details, but we were changed, different. It has never been the same. Later, 9 months and 1 day, we lost our second baby, my 3rd child.

When we lost Sprout, it was worse. We saw a heartbeat. We saw the baby a week prior. Then, it was ripped away like a tornado. Our hopes and dreams, gone.

We love all of our children, the angels in heaven, the one who’s birthday it is, and our furry ones. I know that if I tried again and lost another baby, I may never recover. I almost didn’t with Sprout. I can’t put the one child we have through that again.

Today, I choose life. I choose to cherish my living child. I love her more than I ever thought I could ever love a child. I will never be the same after losing children, my parenting will never be the same.

I look forward to grand babies, in the way, way distant future. I look forward to loving my child and my furry child, and any other furry children we might have. I know it will be freeing to just…let go. Also, I hope that we can be carefree and happy. I know it won’t always be easy, I always dreamt of having more children, going through pregnancy and labor with my husband, it is hard to give that up. I just know for us to move on, we need to close this door completely.

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